Actually Asten

*Sighs* So… this post has been a long time coming. Like, sitting-at-the-back-of-my-brain-for-years kind of long. But recently, something clicked. Something shifted. And I think I’m finally ready to say it out loud:

I think I’m demisexual.

Yep. Demisexual. Part of the asexual spectrum (Aspec). Not broken, not cold, not prudish — just me.

For those who don’t know, demisexuality means I only feel sexual attraction when I’ve built a strong emotional bond with someone. It’s not about waiting for the “right person” or “playing hard to get” — it’s about the wiring of my brain and heart. I can’t force attraction. It just doesn’t work like that for me.

And honestly? That explains so much.

🧠 Looking Back with New Eyes

I used to wonder why I didn’t crush on people the way others did. Why my friends were talking about snogging in Year 8 and I was like, “Can we not? I’d rather talk about Basil Brush.” (Still would, by the way.)

Or why casual sex never appealed to me — even though I’m engaged now and very much in love, the idea of intimacy has always felt like something I need time, trust, and emotional safety for. I’m not disinterested in connection. But I need it to be real.

And now I’ve got a word for that. Demisexual.

💍 Where Myron Fits Into This

Let’s talk about Myron. My fiancé. My best friend. My real-life superhero.

We’ve been together for years, and our love has always been built on trust and laughter and deep emotional closeness. I’ve never needed to perform attraction or pretend I’m someone I’m not. He’s never pressured me. He just gets me — and that’s everything.

For me, knowing I’m demisexual actually strengthens how I feel about him. It’s not about what I “should” want — it’s about what we want, in our own time, in our own way. No timeline but ours.

🌈 Aspec and Proud

Realising I’m demisexual has helped me embrace my place on the Aspec spectrum, too. There’s this weird myth that being asexual or on the spectrum of asexuality makes you cold, unloving, or unromantic. Absolute rubbish.

I love deeply. I care hard. I feel things intensely. But I don’t experience attraction in the same way other people do — and that’s okay.

Actually, it’s more than okay. It’s mine. And I’m allowed to feel proud of that.

✨ What This Means Going Forward

I’m still figuring it all out. There’s no rulebook. Some days I feel super confident in my identity. Other days I’m like “???” and just want to eat Party Rings and binge Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse.

But here’s what I know for sure:

• There’s no “right” way to be Aspec.
• I don’t owe anyone explanations.
• I’m allowed to take up space exactly as I am.
• And demisexual is not “less than” — it’s just different.

If you’re also questioning your identity or trying to find words for how you feel, I see you. You’re not alone. You’re allowed to be unsure, to take your time, to change labels, or use no labels at all.

This space — my space — will always be a place where figuring it out is safe.

Thanks for reading. 💜

— Asten
(probably rewatching Dreamhouse right now)