Growing up autistic, there were a lot of things I had to figure out on my own — things that neurotypical kids seemed to just know. One of the biggest? Sex, relationships, and boundaries.
Like many people my age, I got the standard school sex ed: a slideshow about STIs, a few awkward lessons on condoms, and a general message of “don’t do it until you’re older”. But for me, it didn’t click. Not because I wasn’t paying attention — but because no one ever explained the emotional side of things, or the social rules that weren’t obvious to someone like me.
I had questions. I was curious. And like many autistic teens who weren’t given proper guidance, I turned to the internet.
But what I found there wasn’t support. It was shame.
When my parents found out I’d been looking at adult content online, it turned into a crisis. A meltdown. A total spiral. I didn’t know how to explain why I was looking, or that I wasn’t trying to be inappropriate — I just wanted to understand what everyone else seemed to know already.
I eventually ended up in a mental health unit — a decision that, looking back, wasn’t about illness. It was about fear. Misunderstanding. And a total lack of tools, both for me and for the adults around me.
The Gaps No One Talks About
Sex ed often assumes:
- That everyone in the room is neurotypical
- That everyone is straight and cis
- That everyone understands unspoken rules about consent, privacy, and relationships
But here’s the reality:
- Many autistic young people have sensory needs, literal thinking, and a deep need for clarity
- Some are asexual, aromantic, or experience attraction differently
- Some, like me, seek answers in the wrong places because the right ones don’t exist
What We Actually Needed
Sex ed should have included:
- Clear, shame-free explanations of sexual curiosity and private exploration
- Conversations about consent that aren’t abstract
- Inclusive representation of asexuality, queerness, and neurodiversity
- Safe spaces to ask questions — even awkward ones — without punishment
And perhaps most importantly: support for parents and teachers to respond gently when curiosity turns into confusion or mistakes.
Why I’m Talking About This Now
I’m sharing this not because I want pity, but because I want change.
As an autism advocate and Expert by Experience, I want professionals to understand that autistic teens are not broken or dangerous when they get curious — they’re human. And we deserve information that respects that humanity.
If we can start being honest about the gaps in sex education — especially for disabled and neurodivergent young people — we can start protecting them in ways that don’t rely on fear, shame, or silence.
We deserved better back then. And future generations deserve better now.
Actually Asten 
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