Actually Asten

For a long time, my past seemed like something to run from. But now, I feel like I’ve made peace with it.

At sixteen, I got involved in the world of the “looners” — balloon fetishists. After being afraid of balloons for so long, they became a fascination to me, and before I knew it, the people who were genuinely into them became an obsession.

I hated the looners for what they put me through. That whole chapter twisted something that should have been harmless fun into fear and shame. It even cost me my home for a while. But here’s the thing: carrying that grudge only made me miserable. Letting go hasn’t erased what happened, but it’s given me freedom.

I haven’t come to peace with this alone. Rekindling my love with Myron, volunteering at the theatre, and my expert-by-experience work have all helped me rebuild. They’ve reminded me that I’m not defined by my past, but by the choices I make now.

Peace, for me, doesn’t mean forgetting. It means being able to look back without being pulled under. It means joking about “pop hazards” at bingo instead of panicking. It means writing my story — both in my books and my memoir — on my own terms.

And most of all, it means carrying my past gently, without letting it weigh down my future.