Actually Asten

There’s something strange about reading your old writing — like time-traveling back into the head of someone you used to be. Recently, I re-read parts of my book Rainbow Balloons for the first time in years, and… wow. Cringe levels: off the charts 😭

But underneath that secondhand embarrassment, there was something tender. Because Rainbow Balloons wasn’t just a story — it was a lifeline. I wrote it at 22, when I didn’t have the words for what I was feeling. I was curious, confused, scared, and trying to make sense of a world that had already hurt and shaped me. Writing was how I found my voice again.

For a long time, I kept it published because I felt like I should. Like I owed it to that version of myself. But the truth is, that chapter has served its purpose. It helped me survive, it helped me heal, and it helped me grow into the writer — and person — I am now.

So, as of this week, Rainbow Balloons has officially been unpublished. It might still float around Amazon for a bit (because the internet takes its time 😅), but it’s no longer part of my active work.

This isn’t regret — it’s gratitude. Taking it down doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of it; it means I’ve outgrown it. It’s part of my story, but not my story anymore. And that feels peaceful.

Rainbow Balloons walked so Pop Song could run. ✨

Here’s to the messy beginnings, the brave in-betweens, and the new stories that bloom when we finally let the old ones rest. 💖

— Asten