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Parasocial Love: Practising for the Real Thing
We’ve all had them — those little crushes on people (or characters!) who didn’t actually know we existed. From TV presenters to cartoon characters, boyband posters to puppets (yes, even Basil Brush counts), parasocial love has been part of growing up for so many of us. At the time, it can feel intense. You doodle…
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Why Not Having Kids Feels Right for Me
Nothing about having kids appeals to me — and that’s okay. Nothing about having kids appeals to me. And that’s not sad, or empty, or a missing piece — it’s simply the truth of who I am and the life I want. I don’t want the sleepless nights, the school runs, the constant responsibility. I…
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How My Life Has Changed Recently
Sometimes life shifts so quietly you don’t notice at first. Then, one day, you pause, look around, and realise just how far you’ve come. That’s exactly where I am right now. If you’d told me a couple of years ago that I’d be here — engaged to the love of my life, doing work I’m…
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Being an Expert by Experience
When I first heard the phrase “expert by experience”, I wasn’t sure if it really applied to me. I didn’t have a degree in autism studies, I didn’t have letters after my name. What I had was my story — messy, complicated, sometimes hard to talk about, but mine. And that’s the point. Being an…
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The Activities That Shaped My Teens
When I think back to my teenage years, it’s not just school and homework I remember. It’s the places where I found belonging, laughter, and friends who understood me. For me, that was through the activities I did with other disabled teens. These spaces weren’t just about filling time — they were about connection. They…
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Making Peace With My Past
For a long time, my past seemed like something to run from. But now, I feel like I’ve made peace with it. At sixteen, I got involved in the world of the “looners” — balloon fetishists. After being afraid of balloons for so long, they became a fascination to me, and before I knew it,…
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Actually Asten: Rainbow Balloons 🎈🌈
Setting the record straight with a side of chaos. When I was 22, I wrote a book called Rainbow Balloons. It followed Anna, an autistic 18-year-old with a fascination for balloons who (without realising it) ended up modelling for a fetish site. One reviewer — an actual looner — gave it 1 star because it…
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“You Need a Licence for a Dog, But Not a Child?”
A reflective rant about how backwards the world is. 17 August 2025 It hit me the other day how backwards the world is. If you want to get married, you have to fill out paperwork, prove your identity, and jump through legal hoops. If you want to adopt an animal, you’ll probably have a home…
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Sweatshirt Season is My Super Bowl
by Asten Clarke(feat. chaos from Daisy Carter) There’s something magical about this time of year. The air gets crisper, the PSLs return to Starbucks, and I start preparing for my annual transformation into a walking Disney store. That’s right — it’s nearly sweatshirt season. Some people count down to Christmas. I count down to the…
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When a Special Interest Fades… and It Scares You
This feels weird to say, but I don’t think I want to see Basil Brush this year. Even typing that feels wrong. Like I’m betraying someone—or maybe betraying a version of myself. For as long as I can remember, Basil has been my thing. My comfort. My joy. My weird little niche in the world…
Actually Asten 